Empathy Considering a Submissive's Feelings by Maurice

The practice of arranged marriages in some Eastern countries of is perceived by many in the Western world as an abhorrent idea which allows no input of such emotional matters as suitability or love. But when it comes to Dom/sub and Master/slave relationships, these tenets are ejected at the outset, as many start via some kind of BDSM site or other long distance contact with neither party initially known to the other. My sub has related to me the story of a woman she knows of who left her husband and went "blind" into total slavery with a man she had never met after knowing him solely for a few months on the Internet.

It is not easy for those interested in domination and submission to locate compatible partners through direct contact. Steeped by centuries of inhibition, we have to go about in everyday life with our sex life preferences anonymous. It is still deemed unacceptable to wear a T-shirt broadcasting "Dom - into spanking and breath play" or "Sub - into bondage and oral." While T-shirts with such tongue-in-cheek logos as "Natural Dom" have started to appear on the market, who is to say that the person wearing the shirt is not some twisted sub geek who thinks it's a great joke to wear such a thing? So even allowing for a new and enlightened outlook, the medium may still not be the reliable message. It's still very much a case of "Seek and ye might get lucky and find."

The "arranged" meetings between potential Dom and sub have a greater chance of failing than arranged marriages. At least with an arranged marriage of the Eastern variety, the families of the bride and groom do some screening and put pressure on the couple to stay together. But how much more difficult is it for a submissive woman than a Dom to admit that a relationship once started is no longer desired by her? By her very submissive nature, she may be unlikely to speak out or force the issue, and the dominant partner may prolong a somewhat deficient situation if he is able to glean some of what he wants from the relationship by insistence on things being done his way.

My main premise is that every successful Dom/sub relationship needs its participants to be into each other every bit as much as in a successful vanilla relationship. If it is to work properly for the long term then this is an essential basic requirement.

No matter how harsh the consequent treatment of the sub, a Dom/sub relationship needs, above all, respect for her Master from the sub and empathy from the Master for his submissive if it is to be truly successful and rewarding for both parties. Only when this dynamic is truly established can the full fantastic rewards of such a relationship come to fruition. My own opinion - and I know that possibly many may not share it - is that a Master's empathy toward his sub is every bit as crucial as the full surrender of his submissive to her Master.

However, there will always be submissives who discern any kind of empathy or kindness not as the sign of a confident Master secure about his position and his control but as a sign of weakness which can be gradually taken advantage of. This can lead to inner doubts and mental conflict about her Master's true level of dominance over her so that she begins to test her Master and push the boundaries of her subjugation by employing acts of deliberate defiance or outright insolence.

So if empathy for a slave's feelings can bring on this kind of attitude and loss of respect and subservience, then should a Master ever consider his slave's feelings at all?

There seems to be an equally strong, if not even stronger, case for a Master to totally subjugate every aspect of his slave's will to his own with no compunction and no concern for whether the slave finds his orders too harsh or distasteful in any way at all. When a Master sets in stone from the beginning of the relationship that there will be no consideration for the feelings or wishes of his slave and reinforces that position with verbal stricture and discipline or physical punishment as necessary, the slave is left in no doubt that she has no choice but unquestioning and devoted obedience. With the concrete and immutable knowledge that her worth is only equal to the level of humility she achieves and the pleasure she can give to her Master comes the true feeling of service and inner security which she craved from her original desire for full submission.

So here above are two arguments. Which has more weight? And then there is the question of whether partial submission can ever qualify as true submission. The view which prevails on this site seems to be that submission must be total if it is to have any true meaning in this Master/slave dynamic.